Monday, December 12, 2011

Coming out of seclusion...

Hello friends. I want to take a moment to thank everyone, from the bottom of my heart, for the lovely, heartfelt words of support at my dad's passing. I thought I would get back into the swing of things much sooner, but it has taken more time than I expected.

I have thrown myself into work, trying to keep busy and stay focused. If I'm busy, I don't have time to think. Blogging makes me think. I have to think about things to write about, usually what is going in in my small little life. Dad is always in my thoughts it seems, and it's just been too hard to put into words what I've been feeling.

I want to apologize about the "Bad Case of Blogger's Block" post that showed up in November on my blog. Can you believe that that was a post I actually started over a year ago when I couldn't think of anything to blog about? I grabbed some photos from my computer, intending to eventually making it a coherent post and I scheduled it to go live the following year. I then forgot all about it and because I haven't blogged since August, I didn't realize it had gone live in its rough, non-verbal state.

So what have I been doing? Dealing with guilt of my dad having been in a nursing home/rehab facility, a place he did not want to be. Wishing I had done many things differently. Revisiting so many things and wishing I could go back in time and do some things differently which (in my mind) may have changed the outcome. Stress eating. God, have I been stress eating. I will be getting rid of my Weight Loss log on the sidebar because I've regained all the weight I'd worked so hard to lose. If I ever feel up to starting the weight loss journey again, I'll start a new log on my sidebar.

I'm still wearing dad's blue shirt. The one everyone said was "his" color. They were right. It's a beautiful shade of pale blue. The rhinestone brooch was my addition. I can say without any hesitation that my dad never sported the brooch when he wore this shirt.

When I take a break from transcribing, the shops, and/or trying to paint, I sometimes see these beauties in our neighborhood.

A friend called me last week to let me know they were in her yard, so you know I had to grab my camera and head down for a visit.

After having no tree at all last year, we decided to take a chance this year even though Baby is as crazy as ever. We didn't put any of our breakable ornaments on the tree which was a smart move because she's constantly batting at everything and trying to climb up or through the tree.

She's a very mischievous little cat and I'm certain she thinks the tree was solely put up for her amusement.

I have a feeling she will miss it come January.

Sweet Jarrett is also enjoying the tree. I think all the critters are excited that Santa will be bringing them some treats. They've been very, very good this year (yes, even Baby).

Our little Tiger, now 18, spends most of her time on Amanda's bed, laying next to the heating vent in my office/studio, or watching the world go by outside her window... Santa knows her favorite treats are Temptations and I'm sure he'll be leaving her a few different flavors.

(Baby watching for Santa)

I doubt I will be back before the holidays so I want to take this time to once again thank you ALL for your kindness and to wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Donna

21 comments:

Joanne Kennedy said...

Hi Donna,

I'm so happy to hear from you again! I've missed you a lot.

I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I know that pain all to well.

I too have been a funk this Christmas. I've been really missing my mom and dad a lot and have seem to sunk into a depression.

I have not even decorated around here yet. So unlike me. I'm trying to go through the motions but it's just not happening.

I am right with you on the weight gain too. Going to start trying again in Jan. Wanna join me?

I've had some health problems and that's gotten me down too.

To be honest I'll be happy when Christmas is over.

At least we still have our fur babies though :) Without them life would be to hard to take. They always seem to be able to put a smile on my face when nothing else does.

I've been having some strange things happening around here the past week or so. I really think it's my mom and/or dad. I believe your dad and mom are with you too!

Big hug my friend. Hang in there.

Some how we always find a way to get through it.

Joanne

Susan said...

Hello Donna...It was good to see your post.

Please accept my belated condolences for your father's death. It's always hard to lose a parent. They are such a part of us, when one dies, part of us dies, too.

Please have a peaceful holiday and know that when you return to blogging, we will be waiting for you. Warmly, Susan

The Sweetest Days said...

I didn't think you'd be coming back, Donna. It was such a nice surprise to open up Reader and see your post!

I haven't lost either one of my parents yet so I honestly don't know the grief you feel, though I can imagine it is very deep, especially since you were so close with your dad. You're a lucky lady for experiencing that kind of devotion, you really are. Cherish those moments and know you made the best choices you could with the circumstances you had. Hindsight is always 20/20 but I'm sure you know that.

I wish you and your family, canine and feline as well, a very peaceful holiday season.

Hugs,
Sharon

Terra said...

You are brave to join the world again and come back to blogging when you are still so sad about your dad. The photo here of Tiger looking out the window is very wistful and expresses some of your feelings you share here. Take care of yourself dear blog friend.

Morena Ciambra Dreamartdolls said...

Welcome back dear. Take your time and enjoy each day. Hugs, Morena

Our Country Bungalow said...

So glad you're back! I missed your blog and missed reading about Baby too. :-)
Sorry you've had such a hard year.
Hope you enjoy your Christmas. xoxo,
~cathy

Cozy Little House said...

Donna, I have missed you! I have missed Baby! I'm so sorry about your dad. Please don't let yourself be immersed in guilt. It does no good. It is a cloth lying on a counter with a patch of water oozing slowly up it, little by little taking over. You must move the cloth before it is fully soaked. We need you.
Brenda

MelMel said...

What a sad time for you.....thinking of you....xxxx

Saphy said...

Big Huggs to you. Grief is a funny thing. My Dad past 9 years ago, my mum 4 years ago and my Nan 2 weeks ago. I have learned not to beat myself up over the things I could have done/said differently. what happened is in the past and I will carry with me the good memories I have. I talk about them and to them. i know that they are passed and miss them and love them. my life changed when I lost my mum. I will never be the same again because something in me went with them. I am the me I am now and trying my best to make my way in life. You will have days that are hard and difficult but that is ok. just take care.

Sharon said...

Donna,

I have really missed your blog and hope you will start posting soon!

I love your header and Baby is a beauty!

Claudia said...

Hello, my friend.

I've been thinking of you and worrying about you. I hope this Christmas is one of peace and joy for you and your family.

My mom is now in a nursing home. My dad feels guilt, also. But it had to be done.

Please remember that you and your sister did everything you could for your father and that guilt is a useless emotion. I'm absolutely sure that your father is free and happy and is not blaming you for anything.

xo
Claudia

Heaven's Walk said...

Oh, Donna....it was soooo good to see you back in blogland, sweetie. I've missed you! My heart was just breaking for you knowing what a difficult time you were having with your sweet poppa's passing. I'm glad that you're finding peace and comfort in work, blogging, and the nature around you. ♥ I'm sending you an extra big hug and squeeze for Christmas, along with my continued prayers, my friend. Luv to you ~

xoxo laurie

Donna Marie said...

From one Donna to another...I'm glad you're back. I understand your sadness at the loss of your father, and the time it takes to heal. Hope that you have a lovely and blessed holiday.

Rett said...

Hi Donna. This is my first visit to your blog, and to be honest, I'm not quite sure how I got here. Your post pulled on my heartstrings. You have my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear old Dad. I hope you do find comfort in your faith that you will meet again. It helps...it does me, anyway. I'd like to give you some advice...please stop feeling guilty, you'll drive yourself crazy...and I imagine your Dad wouldn't want you to. If you did the best that you could, at the time, and under the circumstances..then cut yourself some slack. Hang onto and remember all of your memories, and not just the ones prior to his passing. I hope that helps.

~ ~ Ahrisha ~ ~ said...

Dear Donna~ ~It's so good to have you back. You are the sweetest and dearest person and I am sending you loving thoughts and prayers. Wish there was more I could do. . .hang on as time does ease the pain.
Give those kittys a hug and kiss for me. Mine always make me feel better.
~ ~Ahrisha~ ~

Elaine said...

I am so glad you are back to blogging.

I know that first Christmas after a death is just awful and although thankfully I still have both my parents, once my mom had a massive stroke it was like we lost her. She is not the same person we knew and loved but we are fortunate to have her in our lives. Nothing has been the same since that morning in February 2004.

Please don't beat yourself up over things you didn't do or the care you provided for your Dad, I am sure it was all done with love and with his best interests in mind.

I wish you a peaceful holiday season with some much needed R&R.

And Baby is growing into a beautiful cat!

Auntie Del's Garden said...

I just found your blog this evening and when I read your post, I felt as though I was reading my own thoughts when my dad passed in January 2007. I too thought of all the things I "should have" done, but have come to realize that I did the best I could with what I had in the moment as did my mom & sister.

I just wanted to reach out to you & let you know that you are not alone in your grief.

Hugs,
Del
;o)

marj said...

lovely photos! it's good to hear you back on your blog. Christmas tree is really pretty. i'm looking forward to more of your beautiful blogs about remodelingand DIY projects.

happy new year!

marj said...

welcome back! i'm looking forward to more of your remodeling and DIY projects, which i really enjoy. You're so good on it.

I may not know you personally, but i i know how you feel about your dad, since my dada past away a few years ago too. But pls. do your self a favor, stop feeling guilty about what happened. Your dad understood it, and no matter what our love ones may no longer be here in flesh but they will always be here in spirit. Light a candle for your dad and just feel his presence. They are always here with us.

happy new year!

Heather said...

Hi, my name is Heather! Please email me when you can, I have a question about your blog!

HeatherVonSJ[at]gmail[dot]com

Heaven's Walk said...

Hey sweetie pie....I was just thinking about you this evening and sending you a hug. I hope that you're feeling stronger and happier now that the new year has begun. Saying a prayer for you, my friend. ♥

xoxo laurie